My Sick Love Affair With Food – Soul Epicure

My sick love affair with food is strong. The bond between me and unhealthy food is unbreakable and unequivocal. Don’t get me wrong, I have actually been seen around town hanging out with healthy food before, but make no mistake about it; unhealthy food is bae and we have been and probably always will be in each other’s lives. It’s just that now, we’ve grown a part a little bit. No, I am not ready to leave the relationship yet, but I can’t help but notice all of the sexy organic, gluten free foods as they pass by my table at restaurants. The nice, roundness of apples and pears taunt me as I pass the produce section headed to the snack isle in the grocery store. My frappuccinos aren’t going anywhere and will always hold a place in my heart, but I can’t help but sneak a peak at the fruit smoothies in the window as I head to my favorite coffee spot. So what am I feeling these days? What do I really want? Well, it’s simple, I want some sort of twisted polyamory situation with healthy food and unhealthy food simultaneously. The problem is, healthy food is too pure for that kinda thing and unhealthy food ain’t willing to share.

my sick love affair with food

It probably wouldn’t work anyway because, trust me, I have tried to split my love between swiss cheese and swiss chard; between fried chicken and chia seeds; and between pepperoni pizza and purple potatoes. It just doesn’t work. When I am with healthy food, I feel so good about myself and our future together. Then, in a moment of weakness, unhealthy food calls me and asks me out for a coffee to “discuss things” and when I get there, a cheese danish conveniently shows up. Foiled again!!! I end up giving healthy food this long speech about how it’s not them, it’s me and how any girl would be lucky to have such delicious baked salmon packed with all those omega-3 fatty acids. If I’m being honest here, unhealthy food may not be my best option, but he’s the best lover I’ve ever had. I mean, we can argue, fuss and fight on a Saturday after a visit to Cheesecake Factory, break up on a Sunday, I start seeing healthy food on a Monday and I swear by Friday night, unhealthy food is calling me up asking if we can Netflix and chill.


my sick love affair with food
Pizza is bae.

I’ve seen women have this awesome, open relationship with healthy food and gym and jealously never rears its ugly head, but does that work with unhealthy food? No! I have seen friends be committed to healthy food and gym simultaneously and there is never a problem, but unhealthy food is such a jealous beast. The problem is that pizza, lasagna and burgers are extremely possessive and once I am theirs, they don’t like to share. They prefer me sitting on the couch, watching television and not working out. As long as we are together, they are happy.

I’ve even dated unhealthy food and gym at the same time and there was no problem. I guess unhealthy food didn’t feel threatened by gym because he knew it would never last. I’ve never really liked gym because he’s such a premidonna, I mean, sure he makes me work up a sweat, but he also makes me tired. Also, why should I pay to date him? Am I not a catch? He should be paying me to show up. Unhealthy food doesn’t like gym being my side dude for too long though because gym is like healthy food’s wing man. Sooner or later gym starts encouraging me to dump pasta, cheeseburgers and cream based soups and tells me to spend a little more time with leafy greens, baked fish and broth based soups.  
my sick love affair with food
Why do I even bother with unhealthy food if he’s not supportive of me bettering myself, doesn’t like me going to the doctor and is a bad influence? Maybe because deep down inside, we all love a bad boy and there is nothing sexier and edgier than a sizzling hot steak and a loaded baked potato with extra cheese and bacon. I mean, I’ve even tried dating semi-healthy food, like turkey bacon and veggie burgers, but ain’t nothing like the real thing baby.  Hence, my sick love affair with food rears its ugly head.  Why tempt myself with the wannabes when I can just call up unhealthy food, jump on the back of that crispy, salty hog and ride off into the night a happy girl?
What I should do about this love triangle is clear, but actually doing it is hard. Heck, you know what they say, breaking up is hard to do. You love who you love and the heart wants what the heart wants. I am not dumping unhealthy food yet, as a matter of fact, he’s taking me out this weekend, but I do want to start seeing healthy food on a more regular basis. I would love to discover that we have more things in common, see what he has to offer and see if, once and for all, he can win me over to his team. It won’t be an easy transition though with unhealthy food over here like, “I got greens, beans, tomatoes, potatoes, ham, ram, hog, turkey…. YOU NAME IT!”

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